League Caledonia 1
Win/Lose: WIN
Score: 25-20
Date 17-04-10
Grangemouth RFC 20 - 25 Stirling Uni 15 men consisting of a mixmatch team of hungover Sports-Union-Ballers and a collection of willing freshmeat was clubbed together early this past Saturday 17th April. Grangemouth was their destination; for many this would be their second trip to the holy mecca of chimneys in less than 24 hours. The scheduled fixture was a Caledonia 1 league game against the pride and joy of the township - Grangemouth RFC. Once of high Prem 3 status but have since recently taken a liking to relegating themselves down the leagues at furious pace. Stirling Uni were blessed to have the same ref as the previous St.Andrews game - A chirpy and most pleasant chap and not too shabby a ref compared to the usual dottled numpties we are usually allocated on a Saturday. After a tacky-puke from our Geordie inside centre Godric Gryffindor the lads trundled onto the Grangemouth turf in considerably less high spirits than usual. For many, Sports Union ball had been the occassion only 500 metres away and only 8 hours previously. This black-tie/crazy waiscoat affair had witnessed colours and blues awarded to the Smith Clan's hairiest maclariest member - Jeremy Durka. Also receiving the handshake of our SU president/future messiah was Migraine Micheal McDonald of Largepropville. Other events included a re-parking of Hobos automobile by two un-named members of Surfc, thundering amounts of wine and a self-finger sacrfice by Playful Baird. Anyhow back to matters at hand - the prospect of an ugly Grangemouth team battling relegation and SPS (* see footnotes 1). The Uni kicked off and after a bouncy-bouncey-bounce the essential and vital object of the rugby ball was in Green and Black possession. As Stirling Uni's backs were throwing the ball around the park much like a Moosey throwing chairs around a clubhouse, the fat-free (apart from Stiffy) pack were ravid in support. A lovely chip on the far right wing saw reborn alcoholic Harold Baxter lunge forward and dive upon afore mentioned rugby ball. Try Stirling Uni. A successful penalty later saw the Uni 8-0 up. However, the swashbuclking lunatics of Grangemouth were about to reek havoc and resort to nothing short of disgracefu dirty tactics. (DDR see footnotes 2) This saw back row cuboid - Hang-Daddy leave the field accompanied by the lovely and very kind Grangemouth physio and also the 3 small birds tweeting and circum-navigating his head. Off to Stirling Royal he went. Some surging runs and decent hands from the Ozzy fly-half (* see footnotes 3) saw Grangemouth score and convert. A lamp to the chin saw Captain Courgeous Campino on the ground but only a tray of triple Vodka Cranberries would have prevented him returning to the field. No bar in sight and so = Return of the Jedi! I mean - Skipper. A cunning penalty from Australia's grumpiest man (*ibid) gave Grangemouth the lead. What their coach hadnt factored into their strategy was a rejuvenated and recently dissertation-free Bom Taxter who caused endless havoc on the right wing. He slipped past his opposite number (silver fox warrior) and scored in the identical spot, Elbow Grease added the extras. Uni saw out the remainder of the half perfectly, aside from another Grangemouth score which came from their general largeness rather than any Rugbying ability. 17-15 to GRFC. The second half could not have been more disastrous as punch/kick/headlock tactics in rucks and behind chirpy referess back resulted in numerous injuries to the substituteless University team. Tane's ribs took the brunt of a large Grangemouth specimen and the Uni were down to 13 men with 35 minutes to play. Oustandingly- some crunching hits from Griff/ assured presence of Skatman at 15/ excellent nudging by Elbow Grease/rampant rucking from Goosh and some excellent team lineout play allowed the Uni decent territory to gain another score. Excellent quick thinking from Campervan on a quick tap penalty allowed him to score under the posts with an Ever-enthusiastic Cocknose in die-hard support. 2 points added. Battling with 13 men, the Uni conceded a try but still still retained the lead. An exchange of penalties resulted in the score poised at 25-20. The final ten minutes descended into what can only be described as chaos. 2 swift yellow cards were awarded to Monster 'F' and Monster 'J' after successive blatant punches to Niall's Bar Dream Team - Hobo and Shrek. Dave Morgan was repeatedly abused in scrum play and Nick Wales was raggied-dolled into the remainder of a nearby fence. However the most hurtful incident took place when young Blob (who had had a successful day in the linouts and the loose) was attending to matters at the rear of a ruck, when a Grangemouthonian defender shouted "Watch out for Fat Boy". If you see Blob this week, please give him a hug and a smile. A dramatic finale saw another yellow card awarded to Mini Monster scrum half 'L' after a blatant suplex to Harold. It was rumoured Geraldine could be heard from Stirling shouting in declaration that it was definetly - in fact - a 'F***ing Suplex'. The Final Whistle was a much welcome and of course neccessary addition to the end of the game. Coach Tams delight was evident in his large, endearing smile. Therefter, good times were had by all! Its not every day a hungover rugby team play a game a man or two down against nasty heavy beasts.... and win! Congrats to All. _______________________________________________- Footnotes 1 - SPS - Small Penis Syndrome Footnotes 2 - DDR - Disgraceful Dirty Tactics (see SRU tactic 23.4.6. Applicable to Crieff and Glenrothes) Footnotes 3 - http://www.whoblackpool.com/bmz_cache/d/d08da19d2475481fe6e7ab0ed8c3b9e7.image.400x600.jpg _________________________________________________ Stirling Uni Scorers: Harold x 2 Campino Elbow Penalty x 2 Elbow Conversion x 2 GRFC Scorers: Monster A Monster B Conversion x 2 Penalty x 2
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